For I have dined on honey dew
And drunk the milk of Paradise
And drunk the milk of Paradise
NP 1978
I blame the Crown. Yesterday I wrote about a special memory from my youth, me and Pop Pop, Iron Sheik, Mr. Fuji, Piper's Pit, and the evil Reagan hating Nikoli Volkoff. To 12 year old 3 finger it was real as peanut butter on an apple. Yet somehow the 39 year old 3 finger went to the Crown and came home and fat finger deleted the post. It was as if the Crown poured something so delicious that it could erase memories. Damn them, dammmmmn them all to hell.
Oh well, perhaps I will rekindle that memory later. However, first things first. DIRECTV you are about to receive a very sternly written 3 Fingered letter. We're all familiar with that the little red ScoreGuide button right? You know it appears in the bottom right corner of the screen when you go on a sports station, you click it and out pops a little screen that allows you to scroll through different sport options to find scores. But it DOESN'T WORK. And it's ruining my life!
Look I'm old. I can't stay up to watch the Hawks get slaughtered in Edmonton. Last night when I shut these beautiful dreamy eyes it was 4-3 Oilers. At 6:00 a.m. I wake up pop on the telly (say it in a deep British accent, grab yourself and be glad you're an American, just trust me), and that bright little red button appears on my screen promising me I will see the EFFFING scores from last nights hockey game.
BUT NO!! I get TODAY'S schedule. Look I know they are playing in Calgary tonight, I ALREADY KNOW THAT, what I don't know is the scores from last night. I know I could flip on the Ipad and get the score, or I could, and I shudder even as I type this, I could wait for the scroll on ESPN. What are we in the Stone Ages?
DIRECTV you suck, fix this atrocity. FIX IT NOW. Do not get 3 fingers angry, no one likes an angry 3 fingers. All you have to do is add a little toggle that says "Previous", and "Upcoming". FIX it DIRECTV, fix it now.
This week we have had no less than 45 minutes of arguing over the merits of:
I say delicious change of texture in any dish, but some say worthless. This is an important topic people. Please weigh in.
Why is she trending today?
Look I'm old. I can't stay up to watch the Hawks get slaughtered in Edmonton. Last night when I shut these beautiful dreamy eyes it was 4-3 Oilers. At 6:00 a.m. I wake up pop on the telly (say it in a deep British accent, grab yourself and be glad you're an American, just trust me), and that bright little red button appears on my screen promising me I will see the EFFFING scores from last nights hockey game.
BUT NO!! I get TODAY'S schedule. Look I know they are playing in Calgary tonight, I ALREADY KNOW THAT, what I don't know is the scores from last night. I know I could flip on the Ipad and get the score, or I could, and I shudder even as I type this, I could wait for the scroll on ESPN. What are we in the Stone Ages?
DIRECTV you suck, fix this atrocity. FIX IT NOW. Do not get 3 fingers angry, no one likes an angry 3 fingers. All you have to do is add a little toggle that says "Previous", and "Upcoming". FIX it DIRECTV, fix it now.
Randomness:
This week we have had no less than 45 minutes of arguing over the merits of:
I say delicious change of texture in any dish, but some say worthless. This is an important topic people. Please weigh in.
Why is she trending today?
My Super Bowl prediction is coming soon... but first I leave you with this little nugget of a frightened turtle!
FYI, go follow @Ironsheik on twitter. It is dirty, filthy, and hilarious. My German project propaganda minister is angry today, and it is making me laugh.
Good day, and go fudge yugo's
3 Fingers
Croutons. Always. Forever. END OF STORY.
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