Though my memory has a second-sight
I'm not one to go pointing my finger
I'm not one to go pointing my finger
In my head all I hear is Andy Williams. This is "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year". No, this is not a ode to the various fantasy baseball league of dorks we are all in and I will dominate like usual. No it's not a call out to the idiots who absolutely have a slight dusting sitting at the North windy confines of Wrigley in early April. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I got me a Tebowner for:
That's right it's THE MASTERS! You ask what 3 Finger really believes in, this is it. I believe in the ghost winds blowing through the Georgia pines. I believe in pressure packed putts pulsating across ridiculous greens that defy gravity, and I believe in the roars echoing off the patrons when a world elite is making a charge on the back nine. If you want to believe a higher power exists, then I will tell you he blessed Alister MacKenzie in January '33.
I am so excited, I already forgot that I have to sell a child to participate in the annual Masters Pool.
Since I will be peeing Green for the next 4 days and going into my special "Masters Watching Bunker" I better clean out the mailbag! So you asked for it, accept it, love it, live it, but most importantly for my kids college fund share it so I build up my Klout score!
As always these are actual questions from actual readers.
Q: What exactly is the 3 fingered treatment? ---White Pants, Crown Point, IN
A: This is a tough one, as in some countries it is considered illegal and there may or may not be a warrant out for my arrest. But I can tell you this, once you've been 3 fingered you will never be the same. Food will taste better, you will see colors that don't exist in ROYGBIV, and even time will stop. Would I lie, ask Takei!
Q: If it really is survival of the fittest who would be left? --- Rain Boobs, Chitown, Il
A: The Mayans is the easy answer of course, after all this blog has exactly 8 months left. But I feel more confident in this answer:
Q: U...R....el? --- Social Media Specialist, Winfield, IN
A: What you got there a little Universal Resource Locator, a little uh place for content, and little click here or there for naked women, uh ah couple of links for pointless drivel about random nothingness, a place for videos that tell a story, is that what we go, hmmm, a little fun time, hmm? Fuck it, I bet it's just the secret ingredient in the Pink Taco.
Q: How long can you continuously eat Blue Cheese Crumbles? --- Cambell and Ewald, Highland, IN
A: I don't know but this is freaking intoxicating:
And a 3 peat from an angry German propaganda minister, Brussels, Dusseldorf
Q: 1. Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?
2. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
3. If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
A: 1. Excellent point, however, I prefer to use childish statements like "Anal Puking", "Blowing Mud", "Conducting a Movement", "Disemfibering", "Floating one for the Gipper", "Greeting Mr. Hankey", "Heaving a Havana", "Losing some weight the quick way", "Making a grunt sculpture", "Negotiating the release of the chocolate hostages", "Offloading some freight", "Polluting the pond", "Reversing a Ho-Ho", "Sinking the Bismark", and "Updating the captains log"!
2. German moron's are my favorite:
3. Can't believe this is going on my blog
That was tough... start thinking of questions for our next installment soon!
I know, I know, I can't end this without picking a winner, so here you go: Tiger in a playoff with Peter Hanson.
Good night and Good luck,