The Nub

The Nub
When the Revolution comes, a NUB will lead them!

Friday, March 30, 2012

3 Fingers Mega Win

Well, I know what I am
Rock and roll-in's a scream, makin' millions my dream
Well, I do that a lot
I'll just give it a try, won't let good times pass me by
They're all I've got
NP 1974

By the time many of you will read this I will have already disappeared with my MEGA millions. After I give the thieving bastards in Indy and DC their cut, and place the winnings in an annuity getting around 3% interest, I will have close to $30,000 a day for the rest of my life, and that doesn't even touch the principal. So long suckers, I'm out!   

A bit harsh yes, but its fun thinking of all the ways you could spend that money.  Without a doubt your entire life would change and it would absolutely have to, and maybe not even for the best (haaa who am I kidding, I will shit on a golden throne!)

Like many of us, I spent way too much time today trying to figure out exactly how life would change, and more importantly the exact steps I would have to take even before I collected and started spending. Since I will be winning, this is how its going down. (Special thanks to David Lee Roth for the one idea).

10:01 - Bgirl tripped on the stairs as Mrs. Anub screamed to get a towel to wipe up the pee puddle left on floor as the numbers on the TV match the ticket!

10:03 - after a minute of silence, we rewind the TV to verify the numbers.  Car keys are grabbed. Before I go, Mrs. Anub and I have a knowing glance of "look both of us just got extremely good looking, so should we just split it now and move on or...."

10:45 - hands shaking, pull into Meijer parking lot.

10:52 - look at poor snaggle toothed cashier as I pay for a safe.

11:18 - placed signed ticket (after making multiple copies) into safe.

11:22 - Make the only call I would make, and the only person outside of Mrs. Anub who will know until the press conference.  Buy said trustee a plane ticket to Chicago for the morning, hire a limo to pick him up and immediately start a plan on how to protect and manage the money from day 1. Suffice it to say he and his family will never have to work again.

11:24-  7:00AM - sit and stare at safe and become extremely paranoid. Scream and slap at anyone who even breathes around the safe.  Start an immediate inventory of which police officer and lawyer I could trust. Find out how to how to hire an armored vehicle for the drive to Indy to collect.

So besides the obvious, pay off all blood relatives debt,set up trust funds for kids, buy into a gated community, golf membership, private travel, house in London, vacation home in Portugal, lots of charity...

What the heck could you spend all that money on?  Since I already won, considered these as done!

1. Launch 3 Fingers and Nub foundation (The Human Fund) for the fingerly challenged.
2. Hire a personal organ donor.  He will be paid handsomely to be super healthy, and when I am     ready he must donate his liver and kidney to me. 
3. Buy a seat on the rope line on every hole on the back nine at Augusta for life.
4. Private 40th bday party, with Canadian musical entertainment.
5. Hire Brian Cranston to hang out with me dressed exclusively as Heisenberg.

That will get me started.  What say you faithful readers?  How will you spend it?

Seriously you would have to be the dumbest person alive to blow that kind of cash.  If you are smart, and not an Ed Hardy tee shirt wearing douche you should set up your family for generations to come.  

So love to all, but after I win tonight I will never talk to any of you again!

Good night and good luck, 

3 Fingers

No comments:

Post a Comment