The Nub

The Nub
When the Revolution comes, a NUB will lead them!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

3 Fingered Mailbag

Though my memory has a second-sight
I'm not one to go pointing my finger
NP -1989

In my head all I hear is Andy Williams.  This is "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year".  No, this is not a ode to the various fantasy baseball league of dorks we are all in and I will dominate like usual.  No it's not a call out to the idiots who absolutely have a slight dusting sitting at the North windy confines  of Wrigley in early April.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but I got me a Tebowner for:


That's right it's THE MASTERS! You ask what 3 Finger really believes in, this is it.  I believe in the ghost winds blowing through the Georgia pines.  I believe in pressure packed putts pulsating across ridiculous greens that defy gravity, and I believe in the roars echoing off the patrons when a world elite is making a charge on the back nine.  If you want to believe a higher power exists, then I will tell you he blessed Alister MacKenzie in January '33.
I am so excited, I already forgot that I have to sell a child to participate in the annual Masters Pool. 

Since I will be peeing Green for the next 4 days and going into my special "Masters Watching Bunker" I better clean out the mailbag!  So you asked for it, accept it, love it, live it, but most importantly for my kids college fund share it so I build up my Klout score!

As always these are actual questions from actual readers.

Q: What exactly is the 3 fingered treatment? ---White Pants, Crown Point, IN

A: This is a tough one, as in some countries it is considered illegal and there may or may not be a warrant out for my arrest.  But I can tell you this, once you've been 3 fingered you will never be the same.  Food will taste better, you will see colors that don't exist in ROYGBIV, and even time will stop.  Would I lie, ask Takei!

Q: If it really is survival of the fittest who would be left? --- Rain Boobs, Chitown, Il

A: The Mayans is the easy answer of course, after all this blog has exactly 8 months left.  But I feel more confident in this answer:

Q: U...R....el? --- Social Media Specialist, Winfield, IN

A:  What you got there a little Universal Resource Locator, a little uh place for content, and little click here or there for naked women, uh ah couple of links for pointless drivel about random nothingness, a place for videos that tell a story, is that what we go, hmmm, a little fun time, hmm?  Fuck it, I bet it's just the secret ingredient in the Pink Taco.

Q: How long can you continuously eat Blue Cheese Crumbles? --- Cambell and Ewald, Highland, IN

A: I don't know but this is freaking intoxicating:

 And a 3 peat from an angry German propaganda minister, Brussels, Dusseldorf

Q: 1. Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump? 

2. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? 

3. If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?

A: 1. Excellent point, however, I prefer to use childish statements like "Anal Puking", "Blowing Mud", "Conducting a Movement", "Disemfibering", "Floating one for the Gipper", "Greeting Mr. Hankey", "Heaving a Havana", "Losing some weight the quick way", "Making a grunt sculpture", "Negotiating the release of the chocolate hostages", "Offloading some freight", "Polluting the pond", "Reversing a Ho-Ho", "Sinking the Bismark", and "Updating the captains log"!

2.  German moron's are my favorite:

3.  Can't believe this is going on my blog

That was tough... start thinking of questions for our next installment soon!  

I know, I know, I can't end this without picking a winner, so here you go: Tiger in a playoff with Peter Hanson.

Good night and Good luck, 

3 Fingers

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