The Bad Band Island Game

Begin the day
Wth a friendly voice,
A companion, unobtrusive
Plays the song that's so elusive
And the magic music makes your morning mood - NP 1979

Nothing can be worse than the horror that struck me as I walked into the house tonight.  My ears were violated, they needed a sexual safe word.  That's right Man Eater, the worst song ever put on vinyl or tape.  Man Eater. Oh my god, oh my god.

Music like religion and politics causes so many irrational arguments and its quite personal.  For example, I am a Rush fanatic, but I know that most people think Geddy sounds like a cat kicked in the balls.  I get it, but the following list is indisputable.   These 'popular' big selling rock bands suck.  Their fans suck, they have epic bad songs, and Kreba has suggested we round all their fans up and put them on one island where they can listen to this crapfest without me.

Welcome to Bad Band Island.

#10 Meatloaf

Not technically a band, but get over it. The only redeeming factor of 'Paradise by the Dashboard Lights' is my old friend Scooter Rizzuto doing some play by play.  Have ever actually listened to Bat out of Hell?  Hell no.  And 'I Would Do Anything for Love (but I won't do that), is my sexual safe word.


#9 Bon Jovi

I struggled with this one, I can listen to 'Wanted Dead or Alive' without throwing up, but I need Pepto.  Seriously I can't figure out how they made it out of Jersey.  If JBJ wasn't good looking they wouldn't even exist.

#8 The Eagles

You remember being a kid and listening to music in the car with your parents and kind of digging it.  Then you get older and go, when the hell did I ever like this? That is the Eagles.  I never realized how incredibly lame they are, and creatively bankrupt. 'Life In the Fast Lane', 'Witchy Woman" are two of the top 100 worst songs ever.  Sorry Don Henley, but I bet if pressed even Farbman would say Desperado sucks.

#7 Nickleback

Do I need to say anything.  If you like them you're a commie.


#6 Journey

I had a college roommate who 'literally' played 'Wheel in the Sky' everyday when I would get home from class. Then I move to Chicago, and for some reason the Sox adopt 'Don't stop Believin' I don't believe anyone seriously likes this band. They make me cry. 


#5 Kiss

How can you not just laugh at them. No words can describe their fans.


#4 Creed

I have farts that smell better than this band.  Back when MTV actually played videos there was not a 2 hour gap when this POS band didn't have a video on.  Truly horrific, in fact they are Nicklebackesque.


# 3 Poison

The finest example of what went wrong in the late 80's.  Glam rock, who the hell thought this was a good idea.  Unskinny Bop was popular, think about that, women to this day still swoon over Bret Michaels.  Euthanize them.

# 2 Steve Miller Band

Name me one college or high school party that at some point didn't play 'Fly like and Eagle, or 'Take the Money and Run', or the pathetic 'Joker', midnight toker my ass.  But they rise to #2 because this band released the following song. There is no excuse, they sat down, wrote the music and allowed these lyrics to be sung.  Don't blame me, they did it:

#1 Hall and Oates

I refuse to believe anyone actually likes these guys.  They both look like they spent time in Penn State showers (too soon?), and created at least 15 horrible popular songs.  I can't believe how hard it was to pick the video to show to prove the point, but let's just start here:

So let me have it, where did I go right, and wrong, and more importantly who should be on the list?

Fire away!



3 Finger!